The Mystery Van

You’re somewhere in East London and its a few minutes past midnight. The streets are calm and deserted. Occasionally, you may find a fox or two sprinting across the street from one side to the other. The only sound you may hear is the alarm call of a squirrel or a chopper flying by. Very few people may be interested in coming out into the streets at this time of the night. The empty walkways not only look haunting but the temperature has dropped below the freezing point making it difficult to take a walk.

A big white Mercedes van, categorized as an HMV (Heavy Motor Vehicle) by the government, is parked at Ashford Road. The driver’s cabin is empty and the storage area behind it cannot be viewed through the windscreen as the view is blocked by a thick wooden wall behind the front-row seats.

Occasionally, the vehicle shakes violently and then rests calmly for sometime and then the shaking repeats all over again followed by continuous thumping sound. A loud screaming voice comes out of it and then fades away. A few moments later it’s repeated again. A scared but shivering female voice cries out as if in great agony but the aching throat doesn’t get the sound out clearly. There is this terrible feeling that someone is being choked to death inside this mystery van.

Someone who was pretty curious and had felt uncomfortable with this van might have informed the police. A few cops turned up and positioned themselves silently at various locations around the van.

Suddenly the sound of breaking glass inside the van lets everything calm down. There are conversations heard from inside in some unknown language. Someone slides open the door of van from inside. A hefty six foot guy, with red swollen eyes and a truck-driver moustache shows up.

A cop who was crouching in the darkness a few feet away takes his eyes off this man’s face for a moment to see what’s inside the van. He gets a glimpse of someone lying on the floor. The door closes behind the man immediately. The cop couldn’t figure out if the body was that of a male or a female but he is sure the body is lying in a pool of blood.

The guy, who got out from the van, looks casually into the darkness where the cop was hiding himself. Without losing a moment he takes something out of his pocket and the policeman is not clear if it was a gun or a knife.

‘FREEEEEZZZZEEEE!!! Drop your weapon now, right now. Put your hands up in the air.’ Three flood lights are pointed at this guy who looks pretty confused. He raises his hands obeying to what he has been commanded to do.

Two cops carefully take their steps towards him one pointing a taser gun and the other one probably a real one. One cop handcuffs the big man the other one carefully opens the door of the van and to find what’s inside.

Here are their findings…

Four suspects; all drunk; one on the floor. The van has been improvised into a bar and they were drinking Old Monk Rum (OMR) imported from Kerala, India. The rum was being served with Nettoli Fry, Kakka Irachi and Kappa Biriyani (all delicious spicy kerala dishes) – Take Away from Thattukada, East Ham. The suspects were talking in Malayalam and that’s why probably we got confused. Kuppi, one of the suspects, was singing an old Malayalam song (akale akale neelakasham). That explains the screaming female sound the other noise, the chorus. Kuppi later dozed off on the floor exposing his sexy thighs through the Lungy he was wearing.

Shijo, another suspect had dropped his drink on the floor of the van and that explains the sound of the breaking glass and the ‘pool of blood’ (rum & coke) around the body.

Why did the guy who came out of the van take his knife out?
His name is Kuttappayi. He had come out to take a wee under the tree. Not a weapon; it was his dick in his hands. That’s why he couldn’t drop it when we asked him to do so.