‘Can I have a double Glenfidich please?’ Shijo, the perfect gentlemen in the group, asked.
‘Sorry?’
‘A double Glenfidich.’
‘We don’t have that sir.’
‘How about Laphroaig?’
‘What?’
‘Laphroaig?’
‘Sorry?’
‘Laa… Phro…Aig!!!’
‘We don’t have that either, I’m afraid.’
‘Hmmm… Glenmorangie, Talisker, Glenlevit. Anything?’
‘No!’
‘Okay! What malt whiskey do you have?’
‘Malt whiskey? We don’t do any Malt whiskeys here, I’m sorry.’
‘You’re kidding me. No Malt whisky?’
‘I’m sorry, not in this Pub.’
‘Jesus! I can’t believe it; a Pub with no single malt whisky.’ Shijo was so upset that he took a step back from the counter, turned around and came straight towards the table where we were trying to make ourselves comfortable.
‘What’s the matter?’ Kuppi was surprised to see Shijo coming empty handed.
‘They don’t have any good whisky.’ Shijo exclaimed.
‘What do they have?’
‘Maybe… Jack Daniels. That’s all.’
‘Huh!! Bloody fuckers who used to stand hours in the queue at the Beverages to get OMR*, OCR*, Honeybee*, Bejoy’s* and even Manavatti* now have trouble seeing a bottle of Jack Daniels.’ Kuppi looked at Shijo with a frown of contempt.
‘Aliya… Don’t say that, that’s not the case here. This is not Kerala. This is Wales.’
‘But you are the same - Shijo, The Koothara Shijo.’
‘Yes.’
‘Now, shut the fuck up. Go! Get us Jack Daniels.’
Hours passed and we made quite a few friends at the Pub.
‘Hello Mate! Merry Christmas, you need help?’ Shijo shouted at a guy who looked lost.
‘Merry Christmas guys!! I’m looking for the toilet. Could you please help?’
‘I guess it’s that way.’ All the four of us said that at the same time pointing our fingers in four different directions.
‘Thanks guys!! I’ll find my way.’ He walked away.
Another fellow called Mike, with a big perfectly round beer belly and a cowboy hat, introduced himself to us. He was probably a little taller than 5 5’ and looked to be roughly 40 years of age. He wore a round neck with blue faded Armani jeans.
He said, ‘Cheers guys!’ lifting the glass of Guinness beer in left hand ‘I’m impressed by the number of drinks coming to this table.’
‘We own this table tonight, that’s why.’ I said.
‘Hmm… I can see that. Youngsters …enjoying Christmas. Huh! Where are you guys from?’
‘I am from Koothattukulam. Nice to meet you.’ Shijo extended his hands.
‘Sorry?’ Mike looked surprised.
‘Koo… tha… ttu… kulam. It’s a small town like Brecon back in Kerala, India.’ Sandeep clarified.
‘Ahh I See. You’re from India.’
‘Yes. Koothattukulam in Kerala is like Birmigham in England.’
‘How is that?’ Mike was curious.
‘See… you take some insensible word and add a kulam to it.’
‘Kulam!’ Mike smiled.
‘Yes, add Kulam. It becomes a place’s name in Kerala. For example, Ernakulam, Thiruvankulam, Koothattukulam etc. In the same way, if you take insensible word and add a Ham to it, it becomes a place’s name in England. Birmingham, Totenham, Twikenham, Dagenham.’ Sandeep gave a stale smile to emphasise his finding.
‘Ah! I see….’ Mike tried to smile but looked pretty annoyed.
A few minutes passed and we got engaged in a quick chit-chat with Mike until Sandeep interrupted again.
‘Mike!! How many kilometres from Miami beach to Washington DC?’
‘I don’t know. Probably a few thousand miles… Why?’ Mike questioned.
‘No no… I am the answer, I am the answer.’ Sandeep shouted happily.
‘What?’
‘Kilometres and kilometres… in these days of degenerating decency of Miami beach to Washington DC when diplomacy and duplicity become interchangeable from complicated America to Americaaaa!! Ha ha ha…’ Sandeep laughed.
Mike looked pretty confused. ‘Is this guy drunk?’
‘No no… I am not. Ha ha ha…’ Sandeep laughed at his own stupidity.
The Jack Daniels inside him made things uncontrollable and he couldn’t stop laughing. He lost his balance from the chair and fell down at Mike’s feet bringing down the table on top of him. He got drenched in three other glasses of Jack Daniels that were kept on top of the table. He simply couldn’t stop laughing. He rolled on the floor crawling like a baby and laughing. Mike ran away from the Pub.
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